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  • Writer's pictureJerry Brook

Do you have Soul

Soul mates: fact, or fiction? I, myself, am not quite sure what the term “soul mate” really means.

What is a Soul Mate?

Is it the thought, as proposed by Plato, that humans were once a single being with four arms, four legs, and a single head with two faces? In this sense, the thought was that humans had great strength that threatened to conquer the Gods. Zeus split humans in two as punishment for their pride and thereby doubled the number of humans who could pay tribute. Apollo then went and sewed them back up, with the navel being the only remnant of the split. The result was that each human would long for their “other half” into eternity. It was said that when the two parts finally come together, that there is an innate and silent understanding between them, that they will feel forever connected and would never know a greater joy.

Conversely, is it in reference to the soul in a religious sense? And rather than coming together from the past, does it represent a linking together for the external future? Is there some sort of “destiny” at work here? Something that is outside of your control?

Soul Mate: Fact or Fantasy?

I understand the allure of the idea of “soul mates”, in that “one and only” person who is your perfect complement, and therefore, not having to do anything at all to either earn or keep a wonderful relationship alive.

Seriously. How real, or possible, is this? Not very.

Sorry to burst your bubble. I’ll explain to you how it’s just not realistic. To be absolutely sure that you have found “the one”, you would have to have dated everyone possible. In other words, you would have to go through approximately three and a half billion people in order to be certain that your partner is your “one and only”. Logistically impossible, I’m sure you’ll agree.

And how about the issue of people who are no longer together for whatever reason, the most drastic being the passing of one of the partners. Does another soul mate exist for you? Or are you doomed to live alone forever following such a tragic loss? Do you just go out and find another person and effectively cheat both them and their one-and-only soul mate out of being together? Is this really what you would want? I think not.

Owning Your Relationships

Here’s why: The very concept of “soul mates” – in that they are your “destiny” – effectively takes you out of your own relationship equation. This then begs the question: at that point, is it even your relationship? Could this be one of the very reasons why so many people simply don’t even try when they’re in a relationship? Perhaps they believe that if it is “meant to be”, then everything will simply work out with no effort on their part. Of course, many of these same people would definitely notice if their partner were not putting in any effort. You see the conundrum?

The truth is, you are compatible with many people, not just the one or two. There are many attributes and values that people have, need, and want. Some are more important than others, and it is the mix or overall combination of all of these that make for a good match.

Being an active participant in all of your relationships not only gives you more influence and choice, but it also makes the relationship more valuable. The value that is added is your own effort (or investment), and free will to expend the effort and provide that investment. Face it, those things that require little or no effort become mundane and are eventually taken for granted. Do you want to be in a relationship in which you are taken for granted, simply because you are “soul mates” and meant to be together?

Soul Mate Challenge

Although comforting, the idea of “soul mates” is actually a very negative one. It flies in the face of what relationships truly are: choice, not chance.

Your challenge for this week is:

  1. First, clearly define what “soul mate” means to you.

  2. Then, in practical terms, decide what you can do about that.

Are you “soul mate” material? Let me know what you come up with; I’d appreciate hearing from you.

Good Together: your guide to healthy, happy relationships

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